Apr 232016
 

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You know folks, I have made several promises on this website to you my dear readers and one of them was I shall NEVER “go to war” with anyone ever. But there comes a time when you need to stop letting someone stomp on you like a doormat and stand up for your rights. Tonight is the time for me my friends as my arch nemesis Joe Placzkowski AKA “Mr. Pepper Hater” has struck me blindly with a harsh meme of my faults on social media which rendered me scarred.

You see we got this guy Trigger on another website that claims to have Taylor Swift and Shooter Jennings writing hateful songs about him instead of stroking his ego, this guy Mr. Joe has printed a politically incorrect meme about my lack of alcohol consumption at music festivals. Well let me stress this right now folks, I am to date inebriated at this point in time while researching bands for the upcoming Muddy Roots Nashville Boogie. I will NOT consume alcoholic beverages during said event so I can bring the BEST coverage anywhere!

You see folks yesterday was National Earth Day and I have relevant, logical proof that Mr. Joe is not only a threat to our precious Earth, he is in fact plotting to hoard ALL “white paper plates” for his own diabolical possessions. You see folks he produces his “paper plate comics” with these plates that he hoards and also illegally creates mockeries of many of your favorite Muddy Roots festival attendees.

I don’t know folks might could he just has nothing better to do at work than PRODUCE these horrible cartoons on our precious paper plates or might could he just doesn’t know that dollar general sells PLASTIC PLATES which do not harm our Earth. Well, the reason is because I firmly rightly reckon he hates China which is where the plastic plates come from. See folks I have proof that he is not concerned with public safety as this is from his very own website:

I now have a new favorite customer. I have named him Mr. Pepper. Please do not confuse him with Dr. Pepper. Mr. Pepper just screamed in my face because we are trying to murder his seven year old child. The packages of habanero peppers are right next to the packages of mini sweet peppers, and somebody slid the little sign that says “Mini Sweet Peppers” too close to the habaner peppers. Heres basically how it went…

Mr. Pepper: “Are habanero peppers sweet?”

*I slide the label over an inch back to where it should be*

Me: “No, somebody just moved the sign over.”

*He shakes the pepper package in my face*

Mr. Pepper: “This is like this every time I come in here! The habanero peppers aren’t labeled very well!” I know what they are, but my wife doesn’t! I give these peppers to my seven year old son! If my wife gave a habanero to my son, we would be in the hospital!”

Me: “I fixed the sign.”

Mr. Pepper: “THIS IS A PUBLIC SAFETY CONCERN!”

* I take the little sign off the shelf, and he storms off*

Apparently, his wife can’t read the package That says “habanero chili peppers.” Poor Mrs. Pepper, she just can’t read very well. Mislabeled peppers are a safety concern, but not almost putting my eye out with a package of peppers, while shoving them in my face to prove a point. I guarantee right now, he’s on the internet going on a rant (much like what I am doing currently) about how stupid we are, how we are murdering the children, and how this has to be shared to save the world! We just sell peppers, but with the way people complain that we are murdering babies, I feel like the conductor on The Penguins cartoonish child abduction train from Batman Returns. These are great days we are living, bros…

So there you have it folks as I leave you with this question….will YOU stand idly by and allow THIS MAN…this Mr. Pepper hating white paper plate hoarding villain to hover over YOUR right to have a plentiful paper plate supply? I say NO NO let him use plastic which is safe.

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