This weekend one of the most prestigious events in the music business is about to transpire out there at the Renfro Valley area. If you do not know where the Kentucky Country Music Hall Of Fame is then I will elaborate upon that more in the next article on that later today. It’s just a side piece I am working on to answer everyone’s question. “Since two of my heroes are being inducted, will I go’? I wanted to take some time and answer that question on here, for many reasons, and for everyone’s benefit, not just mine. In a short response, the answer is NO. I do not feel welcome there, and it is nobody’s fault but my own. Until I can work the twelve steps again and go personally apologize to Jessica Blankenship, I have personally removed myself from going.
In a lengthy response, allow me to expand on it all by starting off in saying my name is Gary Hayes, and I am an alcoholic, and I love heroin and any kind of opiate pills. Love them, and I am a huge addict that has been recovered over six years now. I smoke some cannabis for my medical needs because once I got sober, my body went to shit. I am nothing. That is not an excuse by any means but it sure helped me make some asshole choices in my behavior. That is something I want to point out to you. I chose to treat people like shit, and act like I was more important than anyone else. Until I apologize to Jessica in person I will continue to judge myself accordingly and I feel as it stands now I do not deserve to go.
True, I started this entire website like twenty years ago pretty much off MySpace, and people have a lot of respect for what I do, but that did not and still to this day does not entitle me to treat people like shit, and I am truly ashamed of myself for it. I spent the last six years mending all my fences…you know why they call it mending fences? Because fences create boundaries, and boundaries are a good thing. Sadly, many years ago when I was heavily under the influence, I chose to act like I was better than Jessica and many others. After that I would then victimize people for not liking me because of my actions. That is a typical thing addicts do to hide their own insecurities…if you will..The guilty dog barks loudest.
I have always been a big fan of her work and I have no other real reason to explain why I did what I did, because using my addiction for my reason is not acceptable to me. I made every choice I did and they were not mistakes, because mistakes happen ONCE. I did this many times for many years, and that makes this a choice. I spent years repairing what I have done, but guess what? I DID IT. In person, I have reached out to so so many and mended my fences. One of the parts of this is accepting my actions and forgiving myself and moving on.
But you see back then I got caught up in the bullshit with Trigger’s stupid ass (whom deserves no mention on here, but is relevant) and I followed his example of asshole behavior that I have always hoped he would abandon like I did, but he did not. I chose to. My parents did not get to see me get sober before they passed on and that bestows a huge pain on my soul I cannot mend. I do not want to have more. In addition, I am ashamed of the fact she thinks I am an asshole, and rightfully so. Make no mistake I do not give a shit what anyone thinks of me. But that does not warrant evil.
The other reason was because I am a long time Kentucky resident but I was not born here, this means a LOT to me. I do identify my home as being here in Kentucky. But I am not a Kentucky only based website, so I do not get accepted into their inner circles like many of my reader believe I do. Even though I heavily support them, I love them and I sink big money into their community, I am not FROM Kentucky, and that is OK. Yes. I am happy with all of it. So much wonderful music from these people being inducted here and all of the bands that have benefited from their contributions.
I will be making another article for that as well. But I urge you to hop over to some other pages I support for coverage on it that ARE FROM Kentucky like Matt Wickstrom. I met him over at Master Musician’s Festival about ten years back, and his father is a good man too. Love them both. So yeah. I will mend this soon, I promise.
